I don’t know why I’m writing this post today – possibly to be true to me, to put my feelings and fears out there and who knows it may help you or someone else.
All I know is I have to write this post and share my feelings today. I need to take some time to sort out where to from here.
This post is all about fear of failure and I am staring that in the face right now. I’m wondering how everyone copes with that fear of failure.
So my question to you is this:
Why is it so hard to put ourselves out there?
Why is it so very, very hard?
Perhaps it’s not difficult for you, perhaps you’re a person who sails through life and things seem to go smoothly for you.
Or perhaps you’re like me – scared stiff to take the next step.
Perhaps you’re in the middle – sometimes feeling the fear but taking the leap anyway, because you’ve experienced some success in business and life.
For me, you would think that at 62 it would be easy. I mean I’ve lived a fairly exciting and eventful life, probably as you have.
I’ve been through the trials and tribulations, certainly had my fair share of disappointments and failures, as well as successes and joys.
Yet, this is probably – actually it definitely is – the hardest step or leap I have ever taken.
And I find myself second-guessing…everything!
Just like you do sometimes, I’m sure.
So, how do you and I get past the slow ‘walking in the mud’ stage?
How do we push through those ever-present, nagging fears and doubts – not to mention the past failures that sit right beside me at the moment?
I guess we just keep walking.
We just keep on keepin’ on, no matter how we feel.
And right now I could run a mile to anywhere but here.
Because this is pure Tess – this is me, all my fears, all my worries, laid bare.
I remember the feeling of being emotionally exposed at certain times in my life and, oh boy, it’s a very unsettling time.
If anyone had told me that I would be doing what I’m doing with sharing Dry Swan I would have not believed them. Why, in God’s name, am I putting myself through all this?
I tell myself that there’s a reason why we go through trials in our lives and that’s very true. Often times what appears to be an absolute disaster in our lives will eventually turn into something really positive.
But how Lord, do we get through the dark valley to the other side? How do we pull all the loose ends together to make something real?
Let me give you a bit of information as to how I find myself sitting here typing this post – more info about me
Then, let me share where to from here.
This is truly a massive, huge leap into a place unknown.
As I stand a little back from the edge of this deep chasm of the unknown and peek down I see a swirl of failures before me – the time I got fired after complaining about sexual abuse from a senior partner. The business failure after 18 tough years, although I think a part of both my husband and I willingly let go due to impossible odds. I see the miscarriages and the deepest pain a woman can feel in the loss of children, and thank God for those he blessed me with. I see past relationships that ended in theft and disappointment. I see the swirling mess of past mistakes and hardship. The finger-pointing past that says “You failed then and you will fail now.”
It’s a cruel reminder of our fragility as human beings, and a reminder that our emotions are highly charged and powerful – especially when it comes to taking a risk, taking a leap.
How do we silence those voices from the past? That nagging school teacher who really enjoyed upsetting children. That cruel taunt from siblings or friends that rears its head and joins the chorus of doubt and fear. Those broken relationships and times of betrayal.
We all have them. Make no mistake. As human beings, we all are weighed down with the past.
We all have a pit of swirling mess that now and again we need to look into.
I’ve learnt through my walk with the Lord, to face my fears and not run from them. Just like a bad movie the fears we run from will usually reappear in front of us. Until we deal with them.
So, my friend, today I’m going to look into that pit and stop running from it.
I’m going to face my fears of failure.
And, maybe if I can do it, you can too.
Whew! Deep breath…Here goes…
What if nobody wants to know about Dry Swan and what I’ve learnt?
What if nobody wants what I’m sharing?
What if it doesn’t work for every woman?
What if I make a fool of myself?
What if it all falls flat or someone from a company that sells pads or gadgets tries to sue me?
What if all the money I’ve invested in learning, investigating, researching and time and effort turns out to be a waste?
What if after four years of hard slog I end up with nothing – even worse, what if my awesome family have gone without and it was all for nothing?
Please tell me you have those ‘what if’ moments too.
Believe me, they’re a lot stronger when you’re working on your own from home, creating a course from your heart, and not knowing if anyone is really going to benefit from it – although I have researched for years and listened to what women are struggling with and I know what’s helped me take back my bladder control.
But, what if I’ve focused in the wrong areas?
What if I’m creating a course that no-one will want?
How do I justify all that lost revenue that I could have been earning and paying my way?
It’s a murky pit and I don’t like looking at the possible failure but I have to do it, if I’m to keeping walking forward – to eventually step off, trust God to save me from plunging head first into that pit of failure.
Jesus said he would never leave me nor forsake me, but will he catch me or am I destined to fail in this endeavour and perhaps learn something along the way?
Eek – this is so hard!!!
How do you handle fear of failure?
How do you deal with letting go of the past (which I thought I had absolutely dealt with) when it’s looming ahead of you?
This is how I deal with it.
By asking myself – if everything fell over tomorrow and the past four plus years were a waste of my time, energy, money and resources…
Would I do it again?
Would I do what I’ve done again?
God help me…but the answer is a resounding “Yes!!!”
Because Dry Swan has already helped hundreds of women – that’s why.
Because I know what it’s like to be trapped by poor bladder control.
To not be able to go anywhere just in case of leakage.
Those pads are not built to withstand a large volume at once and urge incontinence delivers a large volume!
We need to talk about this – we need to let women know that they’re not on their own.
So, let’s turn our backs on the fear for a moment…as I’m just about over it trying to stop me in my tracks.
You see, when I started to explore the possibilities of recovering bladder control, following damage from mini strokes, it all appeared hopeless! There was no alternative option – apart from pelvic floor exercises, and if you’ve suffered any paralysis you will know just how tough it is to even try to do one pelvic floor exercise.
It’s ridiculous – you go from one day being and feeling normal to a state of feeling emotional, physically challenged, nauseous, dizzy with the most awful headache on this earth – welcome to hemiplegic migraines folks!
God, if ever there was a curse, then that has to be right up there with it. Those attacks are like nothing on earth because your brain is under attack and that’s our major powerhouse – lose that and “life as we know it Jim” is forever changed.
I don’t know if anyone will read this post but I’m assuming one person will and so I’m talking with you – thank you for being here with me today, it just makes this walk a little less lonely. Especially if you’ve experienced the same ‘step out on the edge’ moments.
Actually, I’m feeling a bit better about it all. I don’t feel so trapped now that I’ve put this in writing, so thank you for being here and sharing with me. A trouble shared is a trouble halved.
I still don’t know how I’m going to do all this. I’m up to my module 3 in the course I’m building which is all about commitments. Part of the reason I suffered illness was directly due to over committing my time and energy in too many places. That’s rather typical of menopause though, we seem to go through a patch of holding onto our youth and doing more than usual, perhaps subconsciously proving to ourselves that our youth is not behind us.
Although, the truth is if you’re in the 50-60 bracket experiencing menopause then our real youth is behind us and we need to gracefully move forward into our next exciting chapter. I mean, we’re still on this earth, that’s exciting!
I do feel a lot better with you here with me, thank you. I don’t feel so alone anymore and I know that Dry Swan will help a lot of women.
Just knowing that and remembering the tough times I went through gives me a little more spring in my step to keep going.
My hard work could help another woman, maybe even you, to take that step to better bladder control.
So many lost hours waiting in specialist’ offices – I remember so vividly sitting waiting for a specialist for hours (he got called away to a hospital patient) feeling so lost and hopeless.
I have deep faith, don’t get me wrong, but there are times when we are physically very alone on this earth.
I remember what the receptionist said loudly when I politely asked her, after the long wait, how much longer the specialist would be…”You’re not his only patient you know…”
Really? I felt like a naughty child as I politely sat back down (I was too ill to be anything else, it was taking all my effort just to sit there).
Shudder! Was that really me?
That lost, lonely, ‘old’ woman sitting in the waiting room?
Wow, I have come a long way!
And helped a lot of women along the way.
Definitely feeling better now…perhaps I can do this after all…?!
If I can help one other woman from going through that humiliation and embarrassment of not only sitting for hours waiting for medical attention, but being able to better control her bladder and avoid those places altogether, then this becomes more about her than about me.
Come to think of it, that’s how I overcame all my failures and disappointments – by helping someone else.
I remember when my sort-of boyfriend/flatmate shot through with my car and savings and I arrived home from work to find the place empty. It was a weird sensation and he had left a tape saying he belonged to some secret organisation or other and they had caught up with him. What a tall tale eh? I remember sitting at the bench and listening to the tale, it was quite a surreal moment actually. My savings were gone, my car was gone and I was left to pay the rent in a rather expensive apartment, which I couldn’t afford on my office job salary. I had the words my brother had spoken as I was leaving for the airport on my big venture to another country – “she’ll be back within the month” ringing in my ears and was determined to stick it out.
So…I did what I could to take my mind off the situation – baked food for some of the elderly residents! I baked food like never before, cookies, cakes, pies, you name it I baked it! It took my mind off the whole sad incident. Eventually I left the apartment and ended up working in a mining town in Western Australia where I met my beloved husband Bob. I have never been so grateful in all my life to have met the most wonderful person and soul mate. From the moment we met we knew we were meant to be together. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been all roses and sunshine, but I wouldn’t trade our journey for anything. (And, God does know what he’s doing, Bob has been so helpful in building Dry Swan with me).
That’s what I meant about things going wrong in our lives that can be turned into something positive. My friend who left me in the lurch was 20 years older than me and Bob is just 63. Now we’re both in our 60s and can enjoy growing older together.
I was just 22 when the theft occurred and to make matters worse when I went to have the remainder of my apartment things (which were all new), sent up to the mining town, one of the elderly ladies I used to bake for had given it all away! Grrr! I must have been wearing an invisible ‘kick me’ sign in those days!
Over the years I’ve learnt that possessions are just that though – possessions, things and stuff and, although nice to have, really don’t make us who we are. I’m not impressed with possessions at all and more than happy to have the basics. I would rather help someone else than buy something more modern for myself.
Gosh, you are getting an insight into Tess today!
So, let’s take another look at that swirling failure pit shall we…?
So what if I failed!
So what if I made mistakes!
Do I really think that God will drop me in the mire of my past mistakes, to make this another failure to add to the mix?
Do I really think that he would have taken me through this valley of ill health to make it all a waste of time and effort?
No, I don’t.
Look, I’m still not fussed on the leap, but I heard recently that as an entrepreneur we wear a parachute and although we may hit a few rocks on the way down, our parachute will open.
Then, we will soar!
And what if I do fail?
Does that change who I am?
Does that make me a lesser person?
It just means I have to try again – and so do you.
Do you know something?
I’m seeing those fears fade away!
I’m seeing those past failures fade away!
There’s a new wind blowing into our future and it’s going to pick us up and fill that parachute and enable us to soar!!!
So…are we ready…one more step towards the edge…
One more module (there are five and I’ve completed two so far)
One more step…
It’s so good to share this with you.
Thank you for being here.
This life is never going to be easy, of that I’m convinced, but we can take the next step and the next step after that.
Who knows? Dry Swan Bladder Control and the Dry Swan exercise could be a solution for millions of women.
My app Dry Swan Bladder Trainer is freely available to every woman who can download it.
Please let me know if I helped you at all today. You sure helped me just by listening and I pray God’s blessings into your life.